If you are raising a stepson, you need to know he may have been deprived from an important part of development; every boy needs his father when growing up. Unfortunately, many runaways, divorced biological fathers are guilty of taking the father-son relationship for granted.
Unless if a father is derived away from showing up to his son due to one reason or the other. But they know they will be always be regarded as a father.
As a stepfather; you don`t have a biological foundational relationship with your stepson; but the kind of relationship that is often built is based on deliberate and intentional; to demonstrate your affection and care for your stepson.
And the best way to do that is simply by being there for him in his life; there is no substitute. you have to try and communicate your genuine interest to him in a powerful and special way words cannot express; and this requires an intentional effort.
Be the role model
How can you build that kind of relationship with your stepson; the answer to this question is the way you live your life, YES “your lifestyle” when you are raising stepchildren especially a stepson.
You must make sure that, you are a role model of adult manhood; do what you say you will do and say what you mean, because the quickest way to lose your credibility with your stepson; is “don`t do as I do, but do as I say”.
If you have some weaknesses in your behavior such as laziness, lust, alcohol addiction, selfishness etc. make sure you correct them and take them seriously; because it will negatively impact your entire family, for you sons and stepson who will grow up to lead a family at some point.
You have to be a listener and attentive to your stepson. Avoid distractions with your stepson, for example, when he comes to you for an advice; you have to listen both physically and mentally, but doing multi-task or checking your phone, will make a negative experience; and that can make you lose your credibility as well.
Make plans for your stepson`s future
Give him a good advice, an interesting ideas to consider and let him know what you have in plan for him; and allowing him to think about it too; your stepson will appreciate that for that fact that you showed him a genuine interest in thinking or making plans for him.
Communicate with him, have good conversation; and ask him questions about things he has interest in, it is an important sign of being there for him,
When it comes his discipline, don`t make the mistake of being a main disciplinarian, joint parenting disciplinary works best. The only way to get involved with him is to spend time with him; you cannot have a meaningful relationship with your stepson without actually investing your time and energy, this will help you to know what is going on in his life.
In order to build a good relationship with him; at first you need to monitor his activities, try to know what he does in school, how he performs at school; and extracurricular activities, show him your support by taking him to athletic practice.
Invest your time and effort
It needs a full-time effort. After all your goal is to raise a stepson to be responsible man of integrity. The idea of manhood is a state of being and not an event; but nowadays things are twisted so much so stepfathers and fathers don`t create time to teach their stepsons and sons bout manhood.
But instead they leave them to create their own understanding based on what they learned by themselves without any clear guidance. That is the reason our society is full of young men randomly bouncing like a pinball between adolescence and adulthood without any direction.
Entering in to your stepson`s life can be challenging, and also demanding; it requires a tremendous amount of time and effort to be able to lead your him into manhood.
In some cases you may need to involve his biological father, but without doubt his mother`s involvement is a must simply because she has an experience with raising him; to tell you her concerns about her son.
This will give an insight to know your stand with him and know how to build a good stepfather and stepson relationship.
Create vision and road-map for your stepson
The goal here is to come with vision and road-map for your stepson that could help him to reach his full potentials; doing so you need ask yourself the question of “what kind of man do you want him to be”? and discuss with him how you can get him there.
Boys who grow up without their fathers often have some physical, social-emotional issue, so make sure you help him develop on that; as well as his intellectual. With the vision outlined by you and his mom; you will be able to guide him.
You try to involve your stepson`s biological father, make a request to meet him if he is not far away, or call him; just remember to let him know that you are not in any way trying to replace him; but to come along side with him and your wife; to make efforts together in raising your stepson.
This kind of rapport can go a long way, especially in your relationship with your stepson. Your stepson will regard you as a good stepfather who is trying to give him what he has lost, and he will love and respect you for that.
During your meeting with his biological father ask him what kind of vision he has for his son; what kind of man does he wants his son to become; and learn the ideas he may have to getting his son to manhood.
Doing that will show him you are a good man and not selfish enough to only concentrate on your own part of family; but instead you have come in to make a real difference.
It should not be a competition between you and him; and often times you will find him to welcome the ideas you brought to him.
My name is Lamin Darboe, i am an admin of aviralblog.com, I started this blog to motivate and inspire people, using my life experience and knowledge to help to offer solutions to personal issues, family and parenting problems, to bring out the best in them. The articles on this website are based on life experience and personal educational researches. Read more about me