I believe a lone-wolf fathering times is long over; being a lone-wolf even beside parenting is very overwhelming and exhausting, i am sure you felt it too, that overwhelming feeling as a father, exhausting your energy with no choice but to stay calm; centered and present for your child.
But the reality is being a father is not super hero competition, you have to be someone who recognizes his limits and accept his weaknesses; but also understands his gits, there is a famous proverb which says “it does take a village to raise a child but it also takes a village to support a father”.
This proverb has an in-debt meaning that cannot be explain in one article. But the direct meaning is “it require several people to raise a child; but a father also needs tremendous amount of support from wherever he can get; to help raise his children”.
Therefore, acting lone-wolf is not sustainable, it is not good for a father and also for you children.
heroism is not an option
As fathers we often go to the place of heroism; trying to prove a point to our children that we are strong, but the reality of this life is not the same as what we see or witness in movies. One man who always come out victorious against the rest. Those types of characters are only a fantasy.
But I also understand that for some father are acting as lone wolf due to the way they were raised; some people grow up in an environment that taught them not seek or rely on anyone or to ask for guidance or help.
When you believe only in solitude to become someone who only works alone, remember that it won`t make you happy no matter how hard you try.
Also remember that the more you seek peace of mind by avoiding people and conflict or asking for help or support; the more you will likely to have more conflict with others, or face unnecessary difficult situations that you could easily avoid.
There is no heroism in being a lone wolf father, at times point you will still need people, all you have to do is; you don`t have to pay attentions to your feelings especially your negative ones, because even a self-esteem comes with a positive experience.
But if you pay attention to your negative feelings towards seeking guidance from others; either friends, or family members, your self-indulgence will mean you will never find yourself; that means you may not be able to get to the right solution.
lone wolf could be less successful
Being a lone wolf father could make you less successful due to the inability to understand and demonstrate fatherhood skills that other fathers will be drawn to and consequently choose to follow, In a situation where you have to make decisions based on knowledge.
You would see that a lone wolf father can really get things very wrong, for example; lack of knowledge and socially skill could make you think, “doing your child homework him will make him smart”.
Ending a lone wolf fathering does not mean you have to constantly seek help or support you’re your partner, friends and family; but it means you know your limit and you are vulnerable.
So in the situations where you could not come up with a meaningful solution; and yet you feel like you reached to last morsel of your energy physically and spiritually; you could simply seek support from either your partner, friends or family.
whenever you fall in these kinds of situation; you can practice some of these tips i have personally discovered that i always do when i get stock with no way forward; to help me move from the overwhelmed hero to the peacefully connected father.
What to do when you have no options
Ask for help it is really that simple, reach out your friends, partner, family member or even your own parent making a request for support. You don`t have to wait until you reach the dead end, you will be surprised how they will be willing to step in for you.
I do this all the time; 2017 November; on my last year of university education shortly before my graduation, my two children were about to start their school; I had a deep financial crisis back then.
This was particularly difficult time for me; when i had pending tuition to clear which i failed to would delay my graduation; and i was only working part-time; so that i could concentrate on my studies.
But i have no choice but end that “lone wolf fathering lifestyle” to ask for help from my own father to give me a his support so that i could solve my problems and move no; and it worked, when i turned to him, he was more than happy to give his support.
Sometimes we set ourselves on a higher standard we have not reached yet; and that makes us afraid to admit that we are exhausted, sad and we are in need of comforting.
However, all you need to do is be authentic and take a risk. Ask someone you trust and talk to him about how you feel; your frustrations and issues, let him witness your deepest feelings. He may give some useful solution or at least give you the comfort you needed.
Being a good father
Despite we have to be a role modelling father who is fully alive, still we don`t need to hide our feelings or tell our children how we feel. Sometimes it requires to have 100 percent guilt-free intentions to let know your child know that his father is sad, tired or afraid and that you need him to give you some space.
Being a good father requires you to create habits that sustain you as a father, by having a good routine and practices; no father in this world carries on as if he has super-powers.
Therefore, you need to accept your limits and set your boundaries, this is very important. As fathers we need each other`s experience to remember what we already know and the direction where are heading to.
My name is Lamin Darboe, i am an admin of aviralblog.com, I started this blog to motivate and inspire people, using my life experience and knowledge to help to offer solutions to personal issues, family and parenting problems, to bring out the best in them. The articles on this website are based on life experience and personal educational researches. Read more about me