Why is it so common men do not ask for help or support when face certain circumstances; we often try to fix everything by ourselves, this could be dangerous especially when you are a family man, we oftentimes don`t seek advice.
I don`t really know the right reasons behind this, Is it because we think it will damage our manhood reputation?, or we just want to play heroism or it is just for the fact that we are simply afraid to ask.
When you are stubborn and reluctant to ask for help, really does not change anything especially when you become stepdad; whether you expect it or not, as stepdad you will surely be challenged with certain situation; you would not be able to handle.
When that happen to seek for outside support or help will always be smart move to help you resolve that, sometimes when you attempt to solve your own issues; you may not be left with many options rather than to go ahead and file divorce.
This is exactly the reason why divorce rates are higher in blended families according to studies; simply because it is the only preferred solution for many stepdads.
Blended family are not like the traditional nuclear family; circumstances you would face in a blended family is going to tough in its own way.
I personally believe there are many reasons involve to answer this question; I think sometimes it’s mainly because of the proudness. Many stepdads lives in the perception that they have everything in control in their lives; the power, the authority and their competence.
Therefore they don`t need anyone who is qualified enough to help them solve anything; and they don`t want anyone to tell them how to live their lives.
This is a very wrong concept because you would see that when you visit a therapist or counselor or even a friend; they may tell you things you don`t really know or think they even mattered.
They leave themselves to live in denial about having problems at all; and they rationalize why they don`t need outside help or support; at times they can even attack the person who made those types of suggestions to them.
Such proudness makes them to systematically cut off any support offers either from the family, friends and professionals.
Other reasons for the stepdads acting such, is having a false expectation about matters that appears real to them; they may fear the outcome or aftermath of the situation if they ask for help or support; this type of fear is not ideal and healthy.
When you are thinking rationally, you will see that, this kind of behavior will hold you back from doing things the right way.
At times they are hesitant to seek outside help about their family issues with regards to their wife and her children, because they don`t want people to look at them as a weak and not man enough.
So to run away from being perceived that way, they withhold themselves rather than doing what is the right thing to do and they know it.
In the world we are leaving today, every single family have their own problems and issues whether you see it or not, so living your life to please people and protecting your public image, does not have to be your main priority.
Because even if you do the right thing, people will speak about your issues, this is something every man tries to run away from, but no matter how hard you try; talks about your issues will always be there.
There are types of stepdads that think they know it all, and know what is best for them and everyone around them, this is closed to pride, but it is rather “knowing it all syndrome”, they always think they have answers and solutions to every problems.
But the reality is no matter how strong you think you are, a time would come in your life when you have to admit it that, you don`t know what is best for you, and therefore you need to help or a guidance to either solve a problem.
As a stepdad you need to realize that seeking outside help could be the best thing would do, especially when it comes to your relationships with your stepchildren, if you don`t have enough advice of how you should handle that relationship, a slightest misstep could definitely set you a long back.
That may take you significant amount of time gain it back, and you must understand that, it only takes one small misstep to break someone`s trust, and it may become difficult to gain back that trust.
At times ignorance also may cause some stepdads not to seek help; because they don`t know it is really available to them, for instants, an internet, some generations of stepdads don`t know much about internet, and they have no idea what it has to offer; therefore they don`t rely on it.
For some they are ignorant about blended families, they took it up with unrealistic expectations; thinking blended families are the same as nuclear families; so when things did not turn the way they expected it, problems start to pop up here and there; and due to these factors, it could prevent them from seeking support.
When one asks the question “does stepdads really need help? the answer is “absolutely YES”. Blended families are not like nuclear families.
So if you based your expectations and experience comparing the two-family systems, you are only setting yourself up and your family with disappointment and pain. You have to avoid such realistic expectations with these weakness i mentioned above to avoid disaster, and especially divorce.
Every man has his own limitations and we need to accept that reality, there is this famous proverb that says ” no man is an island and no man stands alone” this words says it all.
When you have a problem in your blended family which is common, a problem that is above your ability to solve, do not hesitate to seek outside help and support.
Therapies and counselling are the best options you should consider, and work together with your wife, the family glitches and conflicts especially in the side of children are periodic events but they eventually fade away.
My name is Lamin Darboe, i am an admin of aviralblog.com, I started this blog to motivate and inspire people, using my life experience and knowledge to help to offer solutions to personal issues, family and parenting problems, to bring out the best in them. The articles on this website are based on life experience and personal educational researches. Read more about me