A courtship for the stepfather in his relationship is significant; not only the relationships aspect with your fiancee/wife but also the side of the stepchildren your relationship with your fiancee/wife would always change a lot with the children after you get you married.
Researches have shown that most children who experience their parents` divorce also experience their custodial parent`s remarriage.
This longitudinal study focuses on stepfather families with a target child from 9 years to 13 years, In conclusion; it is proven that such families use multi-method measures for the child adjustment and stepfather – child relationships.
When you are upgraded from the guy who the children see as a visitor; or someone who plays with them to the guy who becomes their stepfather and someone who will commands them; discipline them etc.
Whether they are excited to see you around or not, all of this does not matter, you are now in a stepfather-stepchild relationship.
Therefore you should not forget about the things you did with them during the courtship period, remember the most fun activity you normally do with them, either a card game, or going to certain places, don`t let too much time to do that with, it will help you in your marriage relationship too.
Those types of activities would help your stepfather – stepchild relationship to start smoothly.
Always remember to often revive things that made you fall in love with your wife too; revisiting those things on a regular basis, it helps to add weight or value on the relationship; i will give you an example of myself, when i first meet with my wife, after few dates.
I decided to take her to amusement part; the fun we had together was so refreshing, to due to some reasons we developed a strong affection and care for each other; but each time i feel we are losing that emotional connection.
I simply take her to the same place remembering every activity we had on the when we newly met; this serves as turn point for me to re-establish that emotional connection; because we share lots of beautiful memories together, and it just a plaint healthier way to live.
When i had my first son was around 3 years old, i was not very busy with my job; because i was only working on a single shift job; so i could play a lot with him; but after when the need comes to take on double shift job.
It was difficult for me to spare time for him and play with him, because by the time i am closed from work; i am already exhausted so when i reach home; i am always lazy or i would find him already asleep.
It took him sometime to realize i am a parent not a playmate, but occasionally especially during my days off, i always remind myself to play with him; and like the time with spend together playing either game or hide and seek.
This is just my side of story; to let you know how post wedding transitions poses a major adjustment for an adult; now think about the side of the children; this is why it is important to not let too much time pass by without doing fun things you did with your wife and stepchildren before.
One thing that is crucial for the family foundation is to include the children in the wedding ceremony, because you are officially a family now; so, including the children to be part of the wedding day would really make sense.
You can make your stepson and his grandfather; if your stepson is bit older or with someone else to give away the bride and you can even involve them in the wedding vow as well and make each child to receive a special gift; you should plan the wedding in a way to make it a family wedding.
I the reason why particularly mentioned to involve the kids in the wedding vow; is because it may help you to or their mom to reprimanded them about the wedding vows they made to God, it works for most people.
Whether you like or not; a time will come especially with the younger children at elementary or middle school age; when they will not like to be disciplined by their mom and especially you a stepfather.
No matter how much your wife reminded them about being a family is to accept one another; and also to accept you as their stepfather; they it would not cut it with them, but the moment she reminded them about the wedding vow.
They will think again at least in the side of God; so it can be used and excuse to remind them that they have made a vow to God, that they will accept you as a stepfather.
This should not be the main reason why you should involve them in the wedding vows but it is rather to show the unity of the as one family.
However; it will give more perspective to you as a stepfather not to overreact towards them; that is something all stepparents are often guilty of; and as well as the children the moment they are reprimanded.
The only thing you should be mindful of including children in the wedding ceremony; is it may lead to some uncomfortable conversations for your siblings. But apart from that it’s a great way to allow children to adjust and make them prepare about the new family they are getting into.
This is why the success of the blended family all starts from the courtship periods; I believe the decision to marry should be based on the success of the courtship period.
For the stepfather it is important how you introduced yourself to the stepchildren; to set that foundation of your stepfather- stepchildren relationship.
The transition from boyfriend to husband and the new stepfather is not an easy one; therefore you should expect few bumps.
And also realize that you and your wife are all in this together, so when you start to get those few pumps you should be ready to get over them together; you will be more than halfway home already.
My name is Lamin Darboe, i am an admin of aviralblog.com, I started this blog to motivate and inspire people, using my life experience and knowledge to help to offer solutions to personal issues, family and parenting problems, to bring out the best in them. The articles on this website are based on life experience and personal educational researches. Read more about me